I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
ugly people sure do ruin things
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
