if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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