Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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