i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize