Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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