So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
