I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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