its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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