I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
