you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
and she was petting her beer can
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Rumble strips road head = magical
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
