Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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