Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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