i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
