My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Drake has all the answers
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize