you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
