Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
birth control should be required to get into college
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
