Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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