I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I need to align my fucking chakras
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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