my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
