so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I need a beard to bite.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
