his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
