Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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