drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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