It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
