I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
