feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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