Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
