i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
