Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
