I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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