just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
