I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
