Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
did i just pee glitter
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
