Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
