I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
only if we run a train.
done.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
