Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
