I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
