when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize