dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
