Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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