we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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