I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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