"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
my shit smells like andre
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize