whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize