I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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