In America we eat man semen.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
