He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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