i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
