census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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