i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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