If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
