I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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