I need help removing her.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
