maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
