there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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