I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
