I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
