A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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