I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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