Define "chronic" masturbator.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
