here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
