i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
