i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
