Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
