we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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