i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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