I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
