Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I want to be your penis for a week.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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