this beer tastes like vomit already
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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