Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
