we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
